Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
