If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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