Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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