i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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