there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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