I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize