to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
