Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
