i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
