I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
