I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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