That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
