Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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