and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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