I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
