Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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