am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
