I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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