Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
