As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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