Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My life is pants optional.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
