dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh