Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.