i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We got so high we made milksteak
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.