yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.