Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
