This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
pray to the hookup gods
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
