At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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