tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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