So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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