There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
