I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
