you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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