At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
