the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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