after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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