I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
