You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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