so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
