is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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