Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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