This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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