My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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