Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
