This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
