Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
