On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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