Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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