just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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