My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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