I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I came so hard my ears popped.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize