I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize