i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
