New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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