As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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