why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
