Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
