this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
