Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
