I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
